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Monthly Archives: July 2019
Extremely Effective Therapist Just Lets Patients Beat Shit Out Of Him For 45 Minutes
SAN FRANCISCO—Acknowledging that some of his clients have to overcome some initial hesitation, cognitive therapist Dr. Daniel Boyer spoke Monday regarding his innovative technique...
13.5 Million Americans Tune In To Watch Animal Planet’s ‘Puppy Parley’ During DNC Debate...
TMIAMI—Calling the program an “adorable” and “pooch-tastic” alternative to NBC’s broadcast, 13.5 million Americans reportedly tuned in Wednesday night to watch Animal Planet’s Puppy Parley during...
Hero Coworker Contributes Single Tissue To Water Spill Cleanup Efforts At Next Desk
CINCINNATI—Springing into action within moments of seeing the plastic cup topple over, hero coworker Brian Alvarez contributed a single tissue to the water-spill cleanup...
Man Remembers It Summer Solstice After Noticing Group Of Pagans Fucking In Ring Of...
TULSA, OK—Saying he had almost completely forgotten the longest day of the year was approaching, local resident Phil Garrison suddenly remembered it was the...
Entitled Burger King Employee Wants $15 An Hour Just For Dealing With Worst Of...
TOLEDO, OH—Appalled by the level of deluded selfishness of millennials in the labor force, citizens expressed shock and disbelief Wednesday at the news that...
Taylor Swift Inspires Teen To Come Out As Straight Woman Needing To Be At...
UPPER ARLINGTON, OH—Describing how the pop singer’s latest music video provided the encouragement she had been looking for, local teen Gabriella Bowman was reportedly...
Wretched Outcast Woman With Combination Skin Forever Trapped Between Dry And Oily Worlds
BROOKLYN—Doomed to wander the Earth imprisoned by a complexion requiring both mattifying and hydrating products, sources confirmed Monday that wretched outcast of a woman...
Top Reasons To Consider A Road Trip For Your Next Family Vacation
Vacations with your family can help you unwind and reconnect with loved ones, but they are often expensive and difficult to plan. Here are The...
Frustrated Subway Marketers Scrap $150 Million Jeffrey Epstein Ad Campaign
MILFORD, CT—Bemoaning the tremendous loss of time and resources, frustrated executives at the Subway restaurant chain have scrapped a $150 million advertising campaign featuring...
Crime Scene Forensic Investigator Reminds Officers To Stop Shooting At Dead Body Under Sheet
ST. LOUIS—Repeatedly telling them they were interfering with his duties, forensic investigator Albert Correo reminded several police officers at a crime scene Tuesday to...
